To Miss Someone.
This morning when M got out of kindergarten both L (her mom) and I were waiting for her. H's got a big crush on L. It is fun to see him laugh and play with her, so she held him and laughed with him while we waited with the other parents for M to get out of class.
I'm sure the teachers and school social worker that not only saw us together but L holding H have lots of questions, issues and even concerns.
I promise you, we'd make great talk show or tabloid material.
M came out of class and came over towards the two of us.
Already I could tell something was wrong. She typically runs over, hugs me and H and is quick to start talking.
Today she was quiet as she looked to her mom and I. She hugged her mom and remained quiet. She asked why we were both there and who she was to go home with.
Me.
As we walked outside to our cars, she was withdrawing and covering her face. She started to cry.
Neither her mom or I knew what was wrong.
She cried as she got in the van, her mom buckled her in and tried to say goodbye. She cried.
We pulled out of the parking lot and she kept crying.
I called J to tell him about H's class on our way to Target and he immediately heard the crying.
She misses her mom. I told him. She is sad. She wants to be with her mom. I don't know what's going on.
For the most part our situation is a good one. The kids are happy. Overwhelmed with love on all sides.
But every once in awhile a morning like today sneaks in, where one of the kids will miss one of their parents.
It's happened at both homes with both parents at different times.
As I talked to J she got more upset as she didn't want me to tell him.
L called on the other line and I talked to her.
Yes, she's still upset. I don't know what's going on or what set this off. I tell her.
I start thinking to myself about the morning, was it a rough morning? No. Was she in trouble? No. Did I do something wrong to make her feel this way? I sure hope not.
She talks to M. We agree to meet at Target for lunch.
And we meet there. We sit. We eat. Together. And slowly, she turns around and is ok.
We did our respective shopping together and walked to the cars.
M said goodbye, closed the door of the van and started to sing.
She'd just missed her mom. She'd just needed a couple more minutes to love on her mom.
While I've said many times before that my love for T and M is no different, I am not their mom. I would never be able to take their mom's place. I would never want to.
She is their mom.
There was a time that I would have felt sad about this morning. I would have wondered why this happened or what I did wrong. They don't cover this sort of thing in books or articles I've read, that's for sure.
But since I can't imagine being in M's shoes, I know that it's simple. She just missed her mom.
As I drove home listening to M sing I thought about how hard it would be to be a six year old little girl who just missed her mom. Who doesn't want to hurt anyones feelings but just wanted her mom.
She'll miss her mom again one day. And another day she'll miss her dad. And maybe if I'm lucky she'll miss me one day.
It's hard to be a little girl and live in two homes.
Even in the best of situations, sometimes someone misses someone.
And it's ok.
It's always ok to miss your mom. I told her.
Always.
I'm sure the teachers and school social worker that not only saw us together but L holding H have lots of questions, issues and even concerns.
I promise you, we'd make great talk show or tabloid material.
M came out of class and came over towards the two of us.
Already I could tell something was wrong. She typically runs over, hugs me and H and is quick to start talking.
Today she was quiet as she looked to her mom and I. She hugged her mom and remained quiet. She asked why we were both there and who she was to go home with.
Me.
As we walked outside to our cars, she was withdrawing and covering her face. She started to cry.
Neither her mom or I knew what was wrong.
She cried as she got in the van, her mom buckled her in and tried to say goodbye. She cried.
We pulled out of the parking lot and she kept crying.
I called J to tell him about H's class on our way to Target and he immediately heard the crying.
She misses her mom. I told him. She is sad. She wants to be with her mom. I don't know what's going on.
For the most part our situation is a good one. The kids are happy. Overwhelmed with love on all sides.
But every once in awhile a morning like today sneaks in, where one of the kids will miss one of their parents.
It's happened at both homes with both parents at different times.
As I talked to J she got more upset as she didn't want me to tell him.
L called on the other line and I talked to her.
Yes, she's still upset. I don't know what's going on or what set this off. I tell her.
I start thinking to myself about the morning, was it a rough morning? No. Was she in trouble? No. Did I do something wrong to make her feel this way? I sure hope not.
She talks to M. We agree to meet at Target for lunch.
And we meet there. We sit. We eat. Together. And slowly, she turns around and is ok.
We did our respective shopping together and walked to the cars.
M said goodbye, closed the door of the van and started to sing.
She'd just missed her mom. She'd just needed a couple more minutes to love on her mom.
While I've said many times before that my love for T and M is no different, I am not their mom. I would never be able to take their mom's place. I would never want to.
She is their mom.
There was a time that I would have felt sad about this morning. I would have wondered why this happened or what I did wrong. They don't cover this sort of thing in books or articles I've read, that's for sure.
But since I can't imagine being in M's shoes, I know that it's simple. She just missed her mom.
As I drove home listening to M sing I thought about how hard it would be to be a six year old little girl who just missed her mom. Who doesn't want to hurt anyones feelings but just wanted her mom.
She'll miss her mom again one day. And another day she'll miss her dad. And maybe if I'm lucky she'll miss me one day.
It's hard to be a little girl and live in two homes.
Even in the best of situations, sometimes someone misses someone.
And it's ok.
It's always ok to miss your mom. I told her.
Always.
Maddy September 2006
6 comments:
Oh, Samara, Maddy is so lucky to have you as her stepmom.
I think you handled this tough situation beautifully.
These are things you have learned about your situation and it is encouraging to see how mature you are growing as a step "Mom" thru this unique family dynamics. I very proud of you.
Love
Daddio
What a touching story that you handled so gracefully. Good job at being so understanding of little Maddie's feelings.
If only every step-parent would realize what you explained today, the world would be far better for many children. I hope your spirit is contagious to the other step-moms and dads out there Samara. Thanks greatly for sharing!
well done you.
Samara, you are wonderful. All of the children are so lucky to have you in their lives. I agree, I can't imagine what it must be like to have to figure everything out as a six year old, but you're doing a great job maneuvering through all these new situations.
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