Henry's Birth Story

J and I found out that I was pregnant on Tuesday, August 23rd, 2005.

I went to the doctor to confirm on Friday, August 26th.
We wanted to keep it a secret as long as we could.

On Saturday September 10th, M, who had for months, made comments about me having a baby, became ADAMANT that I was pregnant. To the point of tears. We had to tell the kids.

Sunday, September 11th we told our parents.

By October 19th all of our friends and family knew.

My first due date was April 29th, moved to April 28th, then the 20th and then back to the 29th.
My last appointment was on Thursday, April 13. I was told that I was having a 'small' baby. I would go to term. And they would probably have to set up an induction the first week in May. I was "thrilled". (I'm being sarcastic!)

While I did love being pregnant, starting the first week of April my sciatic nerve was bothering me to a point where I could not even walk up and down the stairs without help. My last day at work was April 13th due to not being able to do anything with the kids at school.

J and I went downtown on Saturday April 15th to celebrate our anniversary. It's our "tradition", if you will, to spend the night at the Radisson downtown. We went and saw the movie Inside Man and walked around and then had dinner at Chevy's. When we got to the hotel I felt like I might be having contractions but it went away.

Sunday morning was Easter. We went to worship and I was so happy that we sang my favorite song, O Praise Him.

After church we met my parents, my sister Adrianne and my uncle Richard for brunch at Edinburgh.

After brunch we came home and waited for the kids to get dropped off. They had spent Easter with their mom. The kids got dropped off and seeing as it was a beautiful night they wanted to ride bikes and play.

After the kids came in, showered and went to bed I started to feel like I was having contractions.

It felt more like a little uncomfortable cramp on one side.

I mentioned to Jeff that I was thinking I was having contractions and he kind of laughed and said I would most definitely know if I was having contractions.

About 10:30pm I started to feel this feeling more frequently. Jeff and I had taken the birthing classes at Methodist Hospital and while what was happening didn't seem like anything that was covered in class I thought we should still call.

J called and then had me speak to the nurse. She also said that I would know if I was having contractions. She also said that I didn't seem to have a problem talking or breathing through whatever this was so I was fine. But she did ask that we call back in an hour.

At 11:30pm we called back with no real changes. Again I felt silly about calling but didn't really know. At this point the nurse said to just come in and at least get checked out. J started timing me, but we really were still not sure if these were really contractions as I was in no pain.

We called our friends who had agreed to help with the kids in the case this happened while the kids were at our home and asleep. And we started our 40 mile commute to the hospital.

When we got to the hospital and I got checked I was pleased to find out that I was already between 4 and 5 centimeters dialated.

So far it was easy.

The hospital staff said they were definitely admitting me.

Jeff got our things and I got checked in.

Throughout our birthing classes J and I had agreed that I would get anesthesia if I felt I needed it but I would go as long as I could without it if I could. Immediately after being admited an anesthesiologist was in the room asking when I wanted my epidural.

I sent him away telling him I wasn't sure I wanted one at this point.

They hooked me up to the monitors and started my IV of antibiotics (I had tested positive for Strep B earlier in my pregnancy)

One nurse came in and watched the computer monitor my contractions and me not so much flinch. She said that maybe this was false labor and maybe they let me stay the night and go home in the morning. She told J and I to get some sleep.

I could NOT sleep.

But J could.

I laid there watching the monitor for hours. Nurses would come in and look at the computer and the monitors and leave. It was so neat to watch the computer record each contraction, yet I did not yet feel any pain. Just mild discomfort.

Finally early in the morning a nurse came in and checked me and I was 7 centimeters dialated. She said it looks like you're having a baby today.

She wanted me to move around to get things moving quicker so she had me take a bath and walk around.

The doctor came in about 9am and checked me and I was 8 1/2 centimeters dialated. She decided that we would wait a little longer but if need be they would have to break my water.

They broke my water at about 10:30am

The contractions seemed to get closer together once the water was broken.

At about 11:30am the contractions not only were closer together but they were starting to hurt. Bad. I looked at J in a look only he could decipher and he knew I needed something.

The anesthesiologist came in to give me the epidural.

During my pregnancy most anyone I talked to about fears of labor knew that I was scared silly of the epidural. And everyone I talked to reassured me that at the time you get it you are in so much pain that you don't mind and it doesn't bother you.

Let me be honest.

Not only did I mind.

It bothered me.

And it hurt.

My WORST part of labor was the epidural.

J and the nurse had to hold me down so I wouldn't move.

It felt like hours for the needle to be inserted.

Once the epidural was in, I remember the nurse saying it would just be a little longer and it would be time to push.

Pushing was physically the hardest, most tiring thing I have ever done. I remember pushing and counting and then just falling backwards and wanting to sleep.

J and the nurse would hold my legs up and then let me rest for those short seconds in between, where somehow energy would be restored.

I kept praying she would finally say the head is crowning and run to get the doctor.

When she finally did, I remember this overwhelming feeling of excitement.

I pushed a little longer and as I pushed my last push heard all in the room say. "This is one BIG baby."

At 1:32pm on Monday April 17th, H was born. He was laid on my chest and I cried tears of joy and love as I realized, this is my son. They cut the cord and the doctor stitched me up while I held my son, for the very first time.

J and I did not know we were having a boy. We had names picked out for each.

His middle name, we had agreed would be Francis, after J's middle name.

As Jtold the nurses his name, he looked at me and tears started streaming down my face again. I will never, ever forget what happened next. I am one of three daughters, my maiden name is Tilkens. My dad has 5 sisters. I wanted his middle name to be Tilkens. J knew this. And he could then see how important it was to me. And he knew too that it would be an honor to my father, and he wanted this as well.

Without so much as two words exchanged between Jeff and I, he turned and told them that his name would be H Tilkens P.

The best feeling in the world had to be holding my son on my chest like that. When they took him away to be weighed, measured and pricked I watched and could not wait to hold him again.

He weighed 8 pounds 12 ounces. (I gained 25 with the pregnancy)
And he was 22 inches long.

I remember this feeling of inadequacy that I was now a mother and how could I ever do it. Breastfeeding came quite naturally those first few days, but I was disheartened when I learned on day three that he had not gained any weight and instead was losing weight.

I remember feeling like I had already failed my son so early in life.

Thankfully though things improved, he started gaining and we moved forward together.

Him completely dependent on me for his every need.

The love of a mother is so strong, even in just a matter of minutes, hours and days. Your pride and joy.

I was in complete and perfect love.

The Way I See It #217
The day my son was born, I simultaneously died and was reborn. Every day before that day, my life had been about me and what I wanted the world to give me. Every day since, my life necessarily has been about what I can give to someone else. And that, I think, is why the world needs more children – and more parents.
-- Kevin Streit
Attorney from Richmond, Virginia.