Revisiting Play Date Etiquette
A very large piece of the playdate etiquette I failed to touch on last week was BIRTHDAY PARTIES.
Such a fun, special event for your little one, such a stressful, sometimes chaotic ordeal for the parents.
Birthdays aren't what they used to be. Not only in the way that we as a culture TOTALLY overdo the parties...but also in the way that parents just don't get it.
So here's a primer for you, based again on just a few findings of mine along the way....
RSVP means you call and say either your child will be there or they won't. It doesn't mean you just show up. It doesn't mean you call and say you aren't sure if they'll be there. You call and you either say YES or NO. By the date listed.
If you by chance lose the invite and are calling late to RSVP, you apologize. Profusely.
Don't make excuses.
Don't justify.
To avoid all this, just call right away with either a YES or NO.
Seems easy, yes?
If your child isn't invited to a party, and they tell you about it and they're feeling bad, whadda you do? (Especially is said child and birthday child aren't even friends. Either are the parents)
You DON'T call the birthday child's parents fishing for information.
You DON'T email the birthday child's parents fishing for information.
You DON'T say something to the birthday child's parents making them feel awkward.
You especially DON'T tell the birthday child's parents about your hurt feelings and try to get a sympathy invite.
You talk to your child, help them understand that sometimes they won't be invited to things.
And that is OK.
What happens if the party is during a time that you absolutely can't get your child there?
You work it out with a friend, relative or somebody to get your child there and home. You plan this AHEAD of time.
What you don't do?
You don't call the birthday child's parents the night before the party and coerce them to keep your child the entire day of the party due to your childcare issues.
And my favorite from this last party...goody bags...aka garbage that lives in the van.
This will be best explained if I just tell you the story.
We'll call this child, Whiny.
Whiny's mom, Hoochie Mama arrives. (Mom's title is based on her clothing choice that day alone, I do not know her personally at all. And after this I probably never will.)
M says goodbye and thank you to Whiny.
Whiny is about to leave with Hoochie Mama.
Hoochie Mama then says to Whiny, "Go get your party bag."
Whiny then goes to Madison (who is in the process of still opening gifts) and says in her very whiny voice, "Where are the party bags??????"
M looks to her mom and to me.
We both shake our heads and announce that there are indeed NO party bags.
Hoochie Mama looks and acts like her child has been jipped.
Once again can I please ask you?
Isn't a party enough?
Two. Hours. of supervised-fun-playtime.
Cake and soda.
Friends.
Must one leave with a souvenir?
What's wrong with this generation of parents?
Seriously?
4 comments:
Samara, Once again you cause me to smile a little bit in my day from your story and life questions. I smile not because I approve of bad playdate/birthday etiquette, but because I cannot fathom how unreal some of those situations sound. You must feel like you are in the twilight zone when those things are happening. I only hope that as a new generations of parents are coming, they will be much more toned down and down to earth than they seem to be right now. Maybe your book should be called "Adventures in Parenthood" it would be an absolute hoot and a holler. If you need help, I would be glad to work on it with you!
May you have a wonderful rest of your day!
Try making donations to the North Park Friendship Center in lieu of traditional wedding favors. Hello?! The "traditional" wedding favor is a little pouch of candy-coated NUTS, for crying out loud. People looked like I'd just informed them that they were going to have to dance the hula on their tables in order to have their dinner served to them.
what is wrong with this generation of parents? what is wrong with people in general? i am astounded by the things i see people wear, the things i hear them say, the things i watch them do. our world is a frightening place sometimes. and what kinds of examples are being set? so sad.
I have never heard of a "party bag". I agree with you Samara - the party time is enough. Actually going to someone's birthday party is to honor the person's birth and have some fun time socializing. I wonder if whiny will ever be invited again?
Same rules nearly apply to adult parties too. I usually refer to them as "get togethers" but same concepts even if you aren't honoring someone for something.
Perhaps that is another post down the line, eh?
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