Fast

When I was pregnant with H, I got a lot of advice. A lot of unsolicited advice. People told me everything they thought I needed to know from whether I should get an epidural to whether my child should go to preschool.

One of the recurring pieces of advice I heard though was, that this time, this pregnancy, the first weeks, months, year...was going to go by fast.

Fast it did.

You know when you're 8 1/2 months pregnant and someone tells you to enjoy this time, get some sleep, relax before baby comes, it's the last thing you want to hear.

I had already done my "nesting", the room was ready, the clothes were washed, the carseat installed, the bags packed...I was ready for Baby to arrive. Like NOW.

Finally, he was here.

I remember H's first Saturday. He was five days old.

I decided I would let J sleep in and I would get up and enjoy the morning with him. I placed him in his bouncy seat in the kitchen after nursing him. He stared at me with big, black eyes.

"I. Am. Your. Mom."
"I'm Your Mom, H."
"Mom. Mama. Mommy."
"H, I'm your mommy."

He stared blankly.

Hmm, maybe it would help if I put your I Love Mommy bib on.

"Hi H. I am your mom."

Embarrassing as it is, this is a true story. I wanted to make sure my days old son knew that I was his mother. For whatever reason I have a feeling I probably didn't need to tell him.

When H was days old and we'd be out and about people would stop and look at him sleeping so soundly in his carrier, and tell me "Enjoy this time, it will go by so quickly."

Let me tell you something, when you have a days old baby who literally could live at your breast, is up every 2-3 hours at night plus a house and two other kids to take care of, you can't see past the week of laundry you're behind or how you'll ever manage another sane trip to Target again.

J was home for the first two weeks after H was born. The night before he had to return to work I was a nervous wreck.

"I don't know if I can take care of three kids, J."

"Samara, you were a nanny for how many years? You will be fine, the kids will be just fine. You'll do great."

"I mean, how do I feed H, get the kids situated with breakfast, drive preschool carpool, pick up Tyler from gym games, clean the house, get dinner on the table....

"You'll do fine."

I look back on those days. Those first weeks. With wonder. Pure wonder.

True confession, for the first time, those first weeks I actually looked forward to dropping the kids off at their mom's on Wednesdays. I was ready for a break.

To say I was overwhelmed would be a gross misrepresentation of what I really felt.

I was completely blindsided. Completely engrossed, obsessed AND overwhelmed.

Part of it was what I would call, a slight problem.

When this little baby would sleep, I wanted to watch him sleep. I wanted to listen to him breath. Touch his soft skin. Kiss his sweet cheeks. When he was awake I wanted to fill the air with words, books, songs to make sure that he was "learning"

Over time I realized that I could love on this little baby any time. But I decided to get rest when I could, pick up the house when I could and live life besides just staring starry eyed at this little person.

Part of it was learning how to balance. Learning to read M a story while I nursed H. Learning how to sometimes, just sometimes, let the house go. Learning how to go on walks with a crying baby. Learning how to take advantage of 10 minutes to take a shower. I did a lot of learning.

By the time H was one month old, I couldn't imagine a life without him. And we had it down to a groove.

Again I remember hearing a lot of, "Time will go so fast, enjoy it."

I remember scoffing inside when I heard people say this.

We are enjoying every. single. moment.

Each and every yawn is documented. Written down. Video-ed. And Photographed.

Pretty soon, H started changing from this little, helpless baby who cried like a Pteredactyl to a baby with a personality.

Smiles. Giggles. Sitting Up. Scooting. Crawling.

And a long the way I kept hearing these voices and these people say, "It will go by so quickly."

Now, I sit here a week away from H's big #1...and I think, where did the last year of my life go????? He's ONE??? That's not a baby, that's a TODDLER. Those people were, gasp, RIGHT?

Now don't get me wrong...I love sleeping through the night. Love not having to plan outings around feedings. Love being able to feed him real food. Love getting to see him express himself by screeching and smiling. Love watching him learn and figure things out...like how to climb up the stairs.

But I just can't believe how the year flew by. I can't believe how one year ago I was enormously pregnant and had no idea just who this little person would be.

And a year later he is a little person. A little man.

Fast.
It sure did.